Full of Shit....literally.

Well, I never have anything cool or funny to write about...until today. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday for a myriad of things including some lower back pain. The doctor thought I may have some damage for the gymnastics I did as a kid. So, she ordered an x-ray. Harmless enough, right? Well, not really.

When she came back from reading the x-ray, she had a shit-eatin' (pun intended) grin on her face. She said, "Well, the good news is, you don't have arthritis. But...you are full of poop. You are blocked all the way abover your rib cage. I could see it in the x-ray." She acted appalled that someone could have so much and not realize it, or be in any pain. So, I think to myself, "You know, this could only happen to me. I go and try and take care of something that has been bothering me and I end up having to take a colon cleanse. Only me." So, on my way home I stopped and CVS and bought the 10oz. bottle of Magnesium Citrade, some wrapping paper, and my other prescriptions and headed home to settle in for an anticipated LONG night. I had prepared myself and rented a couple of movies and thought it would be the perfect time to get my Christmas wrapping completed. I got home, took a deep breath and downed the bottle. I drank my water as instructed and then......I waited. And waited. And waited. Now and then a rumble would happen and I would leap off the floor and run to the bathroom. Nothing. I waited and waited some more. It was around 9PM that the fun started. I thought that picking up Tom from work at 12:30 AM would be safer than trying to go around at 8, 9, or 10. I figured by 12:30, I would be done. I was mistaken. Now, don't get your hopes up and think I shit myself on the way to pick up Tom. I did not. I am a champ and held it all the way there....and all the way home. Granted, it is only a six minute drive (one way), but people let me tell you, it was one of the longest twelve minutes of my life! I survived the night with no accidents or mishaps and woke up this morning feeling 10 lbs. lighter. I think I may even be 10 lbs. lighter. So, thank you health services. I still have lower back pain, but no one can accuse me of being full of shit!