I know we all go through phases when we love ourselves and then have the times when we just can't stand to look in the mirror. I am in the hate phase. Lately, I have been down in the dumps about my weight, my hair, my skin, my clothes....you name it. I'm not posting this to fish for compliments. I have had this on my mind for the last week or so, and I just need to get it off my chest. Tom and I went to pick up some fall/winter clothes at the Kohl's sale and I didn't like anything I tried on, and this is the incident that started my downward spiral.
The thing that makes me the most angry is that I am the only one who can do anything about the way I look and feel. I know that I should eat better and exercise. I just have no discipline to actually do it. I sit here and write this and feel so stupid because I have the answer...I just don't do it. I want to. I just don't. Then, I get into the cycle of just feeling bad about myself. The worst part is, I'm a bit scared. I have been having some trouble feeling my toes. I know that it is weight related. My frame is too small to be carrying the weight that I do. I am afraid that I will have some serious health issues if I don't do something about this. I want to have children some day, and I could have some serious issues if I don't get myself healthy. I just have to put my mind to it and take care of myself. I think I'm so overwhelmed that I don't know where to begin.
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7 comments:
This is such a crappy time to try and make life changes. With the change of season our bodies are telling us to eat more to bulk up for the winter months...plus with the change of season we all start getting really depressed. In other words, this winter crap sucks! Cheer up, Hilary still loves you!
Tell Tom to boff you more - it's great exercise!
That is Matts favorite line: "We'll work it off later."
If you want my advice, or even if you don't, drink more water. It will fill you up, clear up your skin and you'll feel a hell of a lot better flushing all that nasty fast food out. Oh, and stay away from Diet soda or at least limit it. It only makes you crave sweets. Don't believe me? Remove it from your system for a week. Maybe you drink the regular stuff though, and thats even worse.
Truthfully, though, when I saw you at Amy and Brian's (that 5 minutes I was sober) I thought you looked adorable and seriously thought you started walking during your lunches or something. But, I've always thought you were attractive. I'm not a fan of exercise either. Its so fucking boring!
Start with your diet. Maybe keep a food journal? The craziest thing is when you look at the nutrition labels and realize something like one pop tart is 200 calories and you eat two every morning.
You should slather yourself in low fat butter and slither about your rumpus room. In leiu of a rumpus room, slither in the kitchen.
I feel your pain. I could have written most of your post myself -- given how I feel in my clothes, and what I see when I look in the mirror.
Yeah yeah yeah drink water. I am telling you the slather and slither method works damn it.
buck up trooper. you're fabulous.
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